Are You as Self-Aware as You Think You Are?
How to Name Your Feelings to Navigate Moral Distress (and Much More)
By Michelle Luken
April 2025
I’ll always remember the first time my therapist called me out (in the best way).
I was venting about something I had witnessed that I knew to be wrong, and I ended the story by saying, “I was just so frustrated!”
She nodded and waited a few seconds before asking, “I don’t think you’re being honest with yourself. Are you frustrated or are you feeling angry? Let’s get this right.”
I thought about it and realized she was right. After sitting in silence for a little while, I concluded that I was angry. In fact, I felt furious and betrayed.
This was a humbling and liberating revelation that I reflected on deeply (in true HSP fashion).
I had questions…
Why hadn’t I ever been able to distinguish between frustration and anger?
Why did it feel wrong to “admit” to feeling angry?
Had I always dressed anger up as frustration?
…and realizations.
It opened my eyes to the impact that external factors like gender roles, social norms, and upbringing had had on my “emotional capacity.”
While I had always prided myself on being self-aware and highly skilled in my ability to identify emotions, I was now realizing I had been inadvertently leaving a lot of feelings on the table. Feelings that, when identified, could offer valuable information and insight into my life experiences and growth.
As an occupational therapist, I had coached many clients through naming and taming their feelings to learn more about themselves and move through challenging situations. And here I was, unable to properly identify anger - the irony!
Are You as Aware as You Think You Are?
Daily life offers up endless opportunities for us to uncover a vast array of feelings that often drive our actions, whether we realize it or not.
When we find ourselves in situations where we know the right thing to do but are unable to act - moral distress - it's easy to feel overwhelmed by a wave of emotions. For HSPs and highly attuned professionals, who already feel things deeply and notice subtle shifts in the environment, that wave can feel more like a tsunami.
Why Specificity Matters
Naming your emotions with more specificity does two important things:
It validates your experience. You can acknowledge the exact nature of your pain or conflict instead of lumping it into a general feeling of "bad."
It creates space for self-compassion and (perhaps) action. Once you know exactly what you're feeling, you can make more informed choices about how to cope or respond.
Name It to Navigate It in 10 Minutes or Less: A Step-by-Step Guide
After my therapy session that day, I made a personal commitment to start getting more specific about my emotions. Since then, I’ve done a lot of inner work around this, getting back to the basics: allowing myself to have feelings, pushing myself to identify them, sitting with the feelings, and allowing them to teach me if there is a lesson to be learned.
Here’s how you can try it, too:
Pause and Reflect.
The next time you’re experiencing an uncomfortable or uneasy feeling, take 5–10 minutes to sit with it.Use a Feelings Wheel.
Use the feelings wheel to help you move from the basic core emotions (like "anger" or "fear") to more nuanced ones (like "resentful," "troubled," "isolated," or "devastated") along the middle and outer rings of the circle. Look over the wheel and find the 2-3 specific feelings that resonate most strongly with you in the moment.Locate the Feelings in Your Body.
Close your eyes and ask yourself: Where am I feeling this emotion physically? You’d be amazed at how much you learn. For example, I’ve learned that betrayal and resentment feel like pressure in my temples. Remorse and other flavors of sadness show up as heaviness in my heart/chest. It’s different for everyone.Once you locate the feelings in your body, acknowledge and gently breathe in, directing your breath to that area.
Accept Without Judgment.
Remind yourself: These feelings are a normal response to a difficult or abnormal situation. You don’t have to fix or change them immediately. Just allow them to exist.Decide if Any Action is Needed.
Now that you have more information and insight into what the situation is bringing up for you, you may feel inclined to do something about it. Usually we try to change/control the situation itself, right?But I invite you to carefully consider whether you need to take immediate action. Only you know the answer to that. And now that you’ve taken a few minutes to check in and name your (actual) feelings, you’ll find that you have more clarity in making that decision.
Why Bother?
When you specifically name your emotions, you stop fighting vague, overwhelming discomfort and start getting clear on your exact experience. Over time, this practice can help you:
Reduce emotional overwhelm
Respond more skillfully to stress
Build deeper self-awareness
Improve your communication with others
In highly stressful environments - including those when you feel morally handcuffed - this kind of emotional grounding can be a lifeline.
Bottom Line
Remember: You are allowed to feel exactly what you feel, and when you do, the picture becomes much clearer.
Call to Action
Here’s my favorite version of the Feelings Wheel. I invite you to take a screenshot and add it to your “favorites” album in your phone for easy reference. I also have a printed copy I keep on hand for myself AND my kids!
Take the Next Step
Our online courses offer structured guidance, exercises, and community to support you on your path to fully embracing your feelings and all the other traits you experience as an HSP and/or highly attuned professional.
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